PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a

baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that

sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll

feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be

called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the

delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while

recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my

wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of you r jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you

say.

5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every

bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting

practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from

'outer space.'

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to

drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it

yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different

colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your b est

time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white,

and eggshell.

4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of e very bathroom scale ever

made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN